Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Colonel of a Matrix

Recently I had the supreme honor to become a member of that noble unit known as the Kentucky Colonels, and doubly honored to have been nominated for this title by the great author/martial arts master Carl Brown.

This bestowment finally catches me up with Brother Dockery, whose Colonelship precedes me by some years.

Most people stick their certificate in a drawer somewhere and forget about it once the novelty wears off. But one of my more endearing/annoying personality traits is that for me, novelty never wears off, for anything. I'm going to milk this Colonel thing until it gives butter. We've got a fuzzbox and we're gonna use it. In the words of another great Colonel, Jack Lipnick, "there's a war on, Fink." Now I need a white suit and string tie like Brother Sanders, and maybe a silver cane whose head screws off to reveal a secret compartment filled with Kentucky Colonel Cocktail.

Of course, I'm already a Colonel - and then some - in the Old Order of Transylvania Gentlemen, that goodly assemblage devoted to Daniel Boone's nation-state that precedes Kentucky itself, that of Transylvania. And our greatest challenges lie just ahead.

- - JSH

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