The Past Sure is Tense

I made a TV set t'other night out of a shoebox and a set of sausages, and tuned in the Interzone News Channel for a good long while with a real clear signal, see.

And the feller on there said that Blind Lemon Jefferson has a brand new song out about the recent Deepwater Horizon BP oil disaster, called "Oil Well Blues". They're really concerned about this in 1929, so maybe they'll get a depression-era grass-roots effort going to do something about this. We'll watch and see. On a related note, the Memphis Jug Band has jumped on the bandwagon with a follow-up to Jefferson's recording. It's called "Coal Oil Blues", and in a clever marketing move, they've released it a year before Jefferson's tune.


Meanwhile, Charlie Patton just got back from an expedition in Tibet in 1650, where he encountered a floating monolith, some talking ocelots, and a jar of Koogle that vibrated like crazy when you held one of the ocelets up near it. "Some crazy shit right there," Patton told Interzone News Channel, "and the food in 1650 ain't fit to eat. I said, 'y'all making me homesick', cause... damn."

Something recently blowed up real bad on the moon around 1813, but I missed what was it was because of static. It had something to do with Lyndon B. Johnson, CERN, and the Jazz-O-Harmonists.

I heard a cool commercial for Martians. Why do Martians have to advertise, though? I mean, they're Martians. Come on.


Meanwhile, the cats down at Nestor 13a just founded a new major religion deifying blues singer Blind Willie Johnson, due to his 1927 record "Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground" being a colossal #1 hit after a video went viral on Internet #214726. Since nights on Nestor 13a are 62.5 years long, I guess it struck a chord with them. (This has been happening on a lot of planets ever since they launched the Voyager Golden Record into space in 1977.) Reportedly, Blind Willie Johnson will capitalize on this success with an intergalactic tour.


Just before I lost my signal, The Walter Mondale Show was about to start, and durn it, Herbert L. Clarke was going to be the guest and plug his new DVD. Maybe I can find it on YouTube later.

- - JSH