Джеффри Скотт Голландии

I was born on this date in the year of our Lord, Nineteen hundred and sixty-six. Just two weeks prior, on Walpurgisnacht, the Church of Satan was founded by Anton LaVey who declared MCMLXVI to be "Year One" in the new age. That same day, the evil Daylight Savings Time was standardized across the nation, being one of the most sinister schemes ever pulled in the entire history of time in the United States.

And as Daniel Clowes has so astutely asserted, 1966 represents the peak of American culture. We hold these truths to be self-evident.

Of course, it wasn't really May 13, 1966, because the Roman calendar monkeyed around with the marking of time in many arbitrary ways and operated on an eight-day week. And then the Julian calendar had to stretch the year 46 BC to be 445 days long in order to make it even halfway work out right. Some contemporary researchers like Clifford Carnicom claim that drift-rate analysis of our time standard shows unexplained dilation and variation, and that undocumented revisions to Universal Coordinated Time (UTC) may be occurring. What hope has man of accurately marking time when even atomic clocks are subject to Special Relativity?

In other words, to answer that old song, no one really knows what time it is.

Happy birthday to me nonetheless. Hip hip hooray.

- - JSH