X Marks the Sauce

I've long been curious about these here Kentucky-proud "Pappy's" products. I walk past them all the time at Liquor Barn, pause for but a moment, think "some other time, perhaps", and move on. Finally the day has come that I've taken the plunge into the Pappy Dimension.

And, well, the "Sauce for Sissies" is aptly named. As I noted here a couple summers ago, I'm not a fan of all those frat-boy hot sauces whose names and labels liken their products to nuclear waste, satan, hell, torture, pain, death, etc. and make a big deal about how their product is so hot that it's virtually inedible. Having said that, Pappy's Sauce for Sissies is just too weak for me, and is so decidedly un-bold that I'd rather reach for plain old A-1 sauce instead if I had my druthers. Even Pappy himself short-sells the stuff all the way on his own packaging, comparing it to "baby food" and stating, "Honest folks, I couldn't make it any milder and still live with myself."

However, I did put it to good use the other day by dumping a third of the bottle into a big pot of pinto beans, and the results were quite satisfactory. But will I ever purchase a bottle of this again? Meh. Life's too short. It's delicious but I require more than mere deliciousness.

Now, Pappy's XXX White Lightning is whole 'nother sauce for the goose, Mr. Saavik. It's still not as hammer-to-the-face bold, flavor-wise, as some products, but it's a damn tasty and unique mixture. Best of all, it actually contains 3% bourbon, which is more than I can say for all the Maker's Mark and Jim Beam spin-off food products out there that contain NO FREAKIN' BOURBON AT ALL.

And if you ever wondered how much alcohol one can legally put in a food product and get away with it, Pappy's clingin' close to the borderline. Take a look at the ingredients and you'll see "Kentucky Bourbon, 3% alcohol by volume - the most the feds will allow". Bless you, Pappy. This stuff is so perfecto that it's no wonder it won the coveted Scovie Award, which is handed out to only the most top-notch hot sauces in the galazy. So far, I've only put XXXWL on a pile of beef burritos (both in the beef while cooking, and then drizzed inside the wraps), but I may have to declare Spring early and fire up the grill. I'd love to see what the stuff can do on ribs and steaks.

If you live under a rock in Panola and can't find your nearest authorized Pappy's dealership, you can get on that there world wide web and clickity-click to bourbonq.com. Tell 'em howdy from Colonel Holland.

- - JSH