Saturday, March 19, 2011

Your Cake's Too Uptight

Man, I was all excited at Sam's Club when I saw this honkin' huge big-as-a-hubcap Kentucky Bourbon Barrel cake. I snapped it right up and placed it in my cart, and started thinkin' purty little thoughts of my adventures with a knife and fork that were soon to follow.

But then I lifted the wooden lid and saw in great big letters what I'd missed on the front's fine print: "Rich flavor of real aged Kentucky Bourbon, without the alcohol! That's our secret recipe." So, uh, that's your secret recipe? A Kentucky Bourbon cake without alcohol is like a day without blood, and you know what that's like.

In the words of my esteemed colleague Vincent Vega, "what a gyp."

It also went on to say that because there was no alcohol in the cake, "anyone of any age can eat a slice." But we already learned just recently from Pappy's BBQ Sauce that 3% is the maximum amount of bourbon allowed by law in a food product. So, then, we know there's really no harm in letting a child eat sauce or cake with only 3% bourbon in it. (Hell, I ate full-on-radioactive homemade bourbon balls at my mamaw's as a child.) And Uncle Kenny's Bourbon Cookies certainly don't carry a "keep out of the reach of children" label on them either. (Oh wait, I glanced back at my own post and noticed the sticker on Kenny's cookies that reads "Adult Treat". Hmmm, yes, well, nevertheless, harrumph.)

Needless to say, I put the cake back. I guess I could go back and get one and then pour my own booze on it. It does look delicious....

- - JSH

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